Friday, November 18, 2016

sixtynothing Episode 7 INSOMNIA





HELEN IS UNPACKING A NEW COFFEE MAKER.  SHE PLUGS IT IN AND LEAFS THOUGH INSTRUCTION BOOK.  IAN LIES ON THE SOFA READING WITH A CAT ON HIS STOMACH.

HELEN
I'm going to need a hand with this.

IAN
I don't want to disturb Marvin.

HELEN PICKS UP A SQUIRT GUN, APPROACHES THE SOFA AND POINTS IT AT THE CAT WHO AWAKENS AND HIGH TAILS IT.

IAN
You're going to traumatize him.  Marvin, I'm sorry Mommy's so mean. Go find one of her sweaters and sharpen your nails.

HELEN
Even with my glasses I can't figure out the timer on this thing.

SHE HANDS IAN THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL.

IAN
Given how you've been the last week, maybe you should cut down on the coffee?

HELEN
I wouldn't be able to function.  I have been cutting off the caffeine by noon.

IAN
And the weed?

HELEN
Taking the 5th.  Make it brew at 6.

IAN
You wanna get up that early?  Maybe you should try to sleep in a bit.

HELEN
I've accomplished zippo all week.  I gotta get back on the stick.  I haven't even made my Thanksgiving list.


IAN
Maybe you should try to keep Thanksgiving simple this year.  Can't people bring stuff?

HELEN
I have standards to maintain.  I've asked guests for libations only.


IAN
Better not be Two Buck Chuck.

HELEN
Yeah.  Will banish cheapskates to the kids' table and 86 from future guest lists. 

IAN
It's time for you to let this election go.  There are pies to bake and turkeys to stuff.

HELEN
I don't do stuffing.  I do dressing. You know that.

IAN
Whatever.  This is what makes you happy.  You love Thanksgiving. Don't let the election ruin it. 

HELEN
I've been giving myself pep talks all week but I can't let go of it. You know how Jews beat on their chests with their fists to atone for everyone's sins on Yom Kippur?  It's like a mortification thing.  I was complacent and now the whole world is falling apart.

IAN
Maybe that's a little grandiose.

HELEN
Yeah, maybe it is a little self important but man have I been on a bender.  Food. Weed. Booze.  Haven't walked or been to exercise in a week.  I keep telling myself that I need to pull myself together and fortify to fight the power but it's just not clicking.

IAN
Ok Emma Goldman.  Let's go get ready for the revolution by getting a good night's sleep.

CUT TO-
HELEN AND IAN ARE IN THE BATHROOM.  IAN PEES AND HELEN REMOVES HER EYE MAKE UP AT THE SINK.  THE TOILET FLUSHES.  IAN REACHES AROUND HELEN TO GRAB HIS TOOTHBRUSH.  HELEN TURNS THE WATER ON FOR HIM AND HANDS HIM THE TOOTHPASTE.  SHE MOVES TO THE TOILET AND PEES WHILE HE BRUSHES HIS TEETH.  THE TOILET FLUSHES.  HELEN REMOVES HER PARTIAL BRIDGE, PUTS IT IN A CUP AND ADDS WATER AND EFFERDENT.  SHE BRUSHES HER TEETH AND THEN APPLIES A PAPER FACIAL MASK WITH HOLES FOR EYES, NOSTRILS AND MOUTH.  THEN SHE PUTS CONDITIONING GLOVES ON HER HANDS AND PADS OVER TO THE BED.  IAN IS IN BED, MARVIN THE CAT IS ON HIS
STOMACH AND FIDO THE DOG SPRAWLS NEXT TO HIM.  HELEN GENTLY PUSHES FIDO TOWARDS IAN TO MAKE ROOM FOR HERSELF IN THE BED.  IAN CATCHES A GLIMPSE OF HELEN WITH MASK AND GLOVES, CHUCKLES AND THEN REALIZING HOW FRAUGHT HELEN IS, STOPS HIMSELF MID GIGGLE.  HELEN GETS IN BED, CAREFULLY PLACES HER READING GLASSES OVER THE MASK, TAKES A PILL FROM THE NIGHTSTAND AND PICKS UP THE ISSUE OF THE NEW YORKER WITH 
"THE WALL" COVER.

IAN


Is that a good idea for bedtime reading?   Don't you have some Chick Lit or Woman's Day or something?

HELEN IGNORES HIM, OPENS THE MAGAZINE AND STARTS TO READ.

CUT TO
IAN PUTS DOWN HIS BOOK AND TURNS OFF HIS LAMP.

IAN
Ok. I've had it.  You should try to sleep too.

HELEN REMOVES HER MASK AND GLOVES AND RUBS THE MOISTURIZER INTO HER FACE AND HANDS. IAN SITS UP AND LEANS TOWARDS HER BUT IS OBSTRUCTED BY FIDO.  HE KISSES HIS FINGERS AND REACHES OUT AND TOUCHES THEM TO HELEN'S LIPS.  HELEN KISSES HER OWN FINGERS AND TAPS IAN'S FOREHEAD.  SHE PUTS DOWN THE MAGAZINE AND TURNS OFF HER OWN LIGHT.

IAN
Try to think about sweet things Sweetie.  I love you.

HELEN
Love you too.

HELEN CLOSES HER EYES.

CUT TO

A BEAUTIFUL THANKSGIVING BUFFET

CUT TO

HELEN IS PICKING UP THE GIRLS, AGED ABOUT NINE AND TWELVE, FROM SUMMER CAMP.  THEY LEAP OFF THE BUS IN THEIR CAMP COTTONTAIL T-SHIRTS.  THEY RACE TO HER, HUG HER AND KISS HER MADLY.

CUT TO
ANIMATED SHEEP WEARING NUMBERED VESTS JUMP ONE AT A TIME OVER A FENCE.  THE TENTH SHEEP HAS A YELLOW COMB OVER. 

CUT TO

GROWN UP EMMA IS LYING ON A CONCRETE FLOOR IN A HUGE POOL OF BLOOD, A WIRE HANGER AT HER SIDE.

CUT TO
GROWN UP HANNAH IS WEIGHING MARIJUANA AT HER DISPENSARY.  SOLDIERS MARCH IN AND SHE IS KNOCKED TO THE FLOOR WITH A BATON.

CUT TO
HELEN, HANNAH AND EMMA ARE DRESSED IN RAGS STANDING IN A CROWD.  THEY HAVE HAVE YELLOW STARS PINNED TO THEIR CHESTS.  THEY ARE BEING SHEPARDED ROUGHLY BY STORM TROOPERS INTO A YELLOW SCHOOL BUS THAT SAYS "CAMP COTTONTAIL."  FROM THE BACK WINDOW OF THE BUS THEY SEE IAN STANDING.  HE HAS FIDO ON A LEASH.  HE HOLDS MARVIN THE CAT IN ONE HAND AND WAVES WITH THE OTHER.

CUT TO
HELEN JOLTS UP IN BED.  FIDO AND IAN SNORE.  HELEN TAKES ANOTHER PILL AND CLOSES HER EYES.

SFX--
FARTING

HELEN LOOKS AT IAN AND AT FIDO, UNSURE OF WHO THE CULPRIT IS.  SHE GETS OUT OF BED, GRABBING HER GLASSES AND THE NEW YORKER.

CUT TO
HELEN OPENS KITCHEN CUPBOARD AND TAKES A HANDFUL OF CHOCOLATE CHIPS. 

CUT TO
HELEN SITS ON THE COUCH, NIBBLING CHOCOLATE CHIPS AND READING THE NEW YORKER.

CUT TO
HELEN RISES AND RETURNS TO THE PANTRY FOR ANOTHER HANDFUL OF CHOCOLATE CHIPS AND THEN GOES BACK TO THE SOFA AND CONTINUES TO READ.

CUT TO
HELEN RISES, GOES TO THE PANTRY, AND TAKES WHOLE BAG OF CHOCOLATE CHIPS.

CUT TO
HELEN PLAYS SOLITAIRE ON HER I PAD.  THE EMPTY CHOCOLATE CHIP BAG IS CRUMPLED BESIDE HER.

CUT TO
HELEN STANDS IN FRONT OF THE FRIDGE EATING SOMETHING FROM A TUPPERWARE CONTAINER WITH A FORK.

CUT TO
HELEN PUTS A LOAD OF CLOTHES IN THE WASHER.

CUT TO
HELEN READING WOMAN'S DAY.

CUT TO
HELEN CLEANS A TOILET WITH A BRUSH.

CUT TO
HELEN PLAYS SOLITAIRE ON HER I PAD.  THERE IS AN EMPTY TORTILLA CHIP BAG NEXT TO THE CHOCOLATE CHIP BAG.

SFX
A NEWSPAPER LANDS ON THE PORCH.

CUT TO
HELEN STANDS ON THE PORCH, SHIVERING, READING THE NEWSPAPER IN THE PORCH LIGHT AND SMOKING A CIGARETTE.  

CUT TO
HELEN SPRAYS HERSELF WITH OZUIM. 

CUT TO
HELEN STANDS AT THE KITCHEN COUNTER EATING A BOWL OF CEREAL.

CUT TO
HELEN PLAYS "WORDS WITH FRIENDS" ON HER I PAD.

CUT TO
THE TIMER ON THE COFFEE MAKER TURNS FROM 5:59 TO 6:00 AND THE BREWING LIGHT TURNS ON.

CUT TO
HELEN SIPS COFFEE.  SHE OPENS A LARGE FILE BOX THAT SAYS THANKSGIVING.  SHE REMOVES PILGRIM SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS, A HUGE TURKEY PLATTER AND A VINTAGE TABLECLOTH.  SHE SIPS MORE COFFEE AND THEN GENTLY PICKS UP A SHEET OF CONSTRUCTION PAPER.  A TINY CHILD'S HAND PRINT IS PAINTED TO LOOK LIKE A TURKEY.  IT SAYS "EMMA, THANKSGIVING 1998.  SHE REMOVES A MACARONI FRAME MARKED "HANNAH, THANKSGIVING 1996 WHICH SAYS "I AM THANKFUL FOR MY MAMA AND DADA AND BABY SISTER.  I AM THANKFUL FOR MY KITTY AND DOGGIE AND MY FURBY.  I AM THANKFUL FOR THE GOOD FOOD MY MAMA COOKS.

CUT