FADE IN
NATE STANDS IN THE LIVING ROOM OF HIS NEW EMPTY HOUSE LOOKING AT THE FOUR WALLS WHICH HAVE LARGE NUMBERED SQUARES OF DIFFERENT SHADES OF GREEN PAINT. INEZ ENTERS.
INEZ
Hi kid. I can see that Helen's been here.
NATE
Yup. But she's right. The colors look totally different at different times of day.
NATE POINTS TO ONE OF THE SQUARES
NATE
Helen likes this one. The best, isn't it?
INEZ
Yeah. You can't really come down on her for being impossibly bossy 'cause she's usually right.
HELEN (calling from bedroom)
I'm still here.
HELEN ENTERS
HELEN
What did you say about me?
INEZ
Impossibly bossy?
HELEN
No the other thing. The good thing.
INEZ
Nope. Not giving you the satisfaction. Where's your car?
HELEN
I walked.
INEZ
Bullshit. The only walking you've done since the election has been to the refrigerator.
HELEN
Hannah dropped me. You have to drive me home.
INEZ
Then we gotta go soon. I gotta a lot of stuff to do.
HELEN
I see you had your nails done. I've never seen you with polish.
INEZ HOLDS OUT HER HANDS AND EXAMINES HER NAILS
INEZ
I know. It looks and feels weird.
HELEN
Yeah. A strange and foreign concept. Grooming.
NATE'S PHONE RINGS AND HE BEGINS TO TALK.
HELEN
Come see the bedroom.
CUT TO HELEN AND INEZ IN THE BEDROOM WHICH HAS A VARIETY OF BLUE PAINT SQUARES ON THE WALL.
HELEN
Blue paint is the hardest.
HELEN POINTS TO A SQUARE
HELEN
You like this?
INEZ
That's lovely. Beautiful shade.
HELEN MOVES CLOSER TO INEZ
HELEN
Oh my God. You got highlights and a decent cut. And your eyebrows! You've got two of 'em! Wowzie! The best laid plans for getting laid.
INEZ
Shut up. Nate's in the next room.
HELEN
You haven't told him yet?
INEZ
I told him the truth. I'm having New Year's Eve dinner with a nice man that I met in Indiana and is in L.A. visiting his cousin.
HELEN
Did you get a bikini wax? Pubic hair apparently is retro but not in a good way.
INEZ
You are so fucking impossible...the most painful experience of my life.
HELEN
And now if you're going to keep doing it, you're going to have to keep doing it. You don't want your boy toy to get rug burn.
INEZ
For God sakes Helen. Can you cut me a bit of slack?
HELEN
Oh, that reminds me. You better have some lubricant. The silicone kind works best. I bet you can borrow some from Nate.
NATE ENTERS. INEZ COVERS HER FACE WITH HER HANDS AND SHAKES HER HEAD.
NATE
Borrow what from me?
HELEN
Guitar strings. In case she wants to serenade her boyfriend.
INEZ STARES DAGGERS AT HELEN.
NATE
So Indiana man is a boyfriend? Good for you Mom. Wire or nylon strings?
CUT TO-
INEZ AND MATT SIT AT HER DINING TABLE. THE CATS, SHUT INTO THE GUEST BEDROOM YOWL.
MATT
Your cats sound pissed off. You can let them out if you want. I'm not allergic. I actually like cats.
INEZ
Maybe I will when the table is cleared. They have a bit of confusion about boundaries.
MATT
My cat Hector used to lap up the milk out of my cereal bowl.
INEZ
Well multiply that by five and it's way less cute.
MATT
Five? You didn't tell me there were five. I only saw three when we Skyped.
INEZ
Marge is bashful so you wouldn't have seen her and Debbie and Larry look almost exactly alike so I'm sure you thought that they were just one. But otherwise, really, I think I've managed to avoid lonely spinster cliches.
MATT
Funny that the male counterpart for "spinster" is "bachelor" which isn't at all pejorative.
INEZ
Yeah. There should be a new word. What about "spin-sir?"
MATT
Yeah, I like that. As a"spin-sir" I eat mainly Lean Cuisine meals with a spork stolen from the Dairy Queen and seated on the sofa, in front of the TV with Rachel Maddow, when it's not basketball season. And I've been known to drink instant coffee.
INEZ
Wow. Five cats has nothing on you babe. But I suspect public opinion is probably harsher on a divorcee than a widower....Oh God. Was that crass? Sometimes I just don't think...
MATT
I am a widower Inez. I am a widower whose wife was gunned down at the age of 52 in an orgy of senseless violence, in a country that can't seem to do a fucking thing about gun control no matter how many innocents are murdered. And therefore my late wife is beatified and I am compelled to stifle the inevitable mixed feelings that result from a 30 year marriage.
INEZ
So you're branded tragic hero, no matter what.
MATT
People mean well. Really they do. But I can't shake the victim badge. After the shooting I knew I had to leave Oregon. Art, my youngest was at Purdue so I went ahead an applied to the job in Connorsville. I was really surprised that this bible belt district would actually consider a left coast liberal intellectual. They could have easily googled my writings and seen my progressive bent but they hired me anyway. Later I found out that all three of the letters of recommendation they got from my old district mentioned how I'd lost my wife.
INEZ
Christ. That's shitty on so many levels.
MATT
And now Art's graduated and back in Oregon and I'm stuck in Indiana where they hate pretty much everything I stand for, but in respect for my circumstance, bend over backwards to stay polite.
INEZ
Have you dated?
MATT
It's a small town. There are a handful of single attractive women but I think the specter of the martyred wife is intimidating.
CUT TO INEZ AND MATT SEATED ON THE SOFA. MATT OPENS A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE, POURS TWO GLASSES AND THEY BOTH DRINK
MATT
Is your boy coming home tonight?
INEZ
No, He's got a date and they rented a hotel room Downtown.
MATT
I listened to his album, or whatever they call it these days, on I-tunes. Really astonishing. How long has his dad been out of the picture?
INEZ
Was in and out for a while but I made it official when Nate was about nine. My ex is a real sad story. At least Nate got his talent.
MATT
But not the demons?
INEZ
Kid is great. I think the dissolute dad thing hurts him but no real demons.
MATT
I suspect some of the talent comes from his mom too. And I imagine that the mental health can be attributed to good mothering.
INEZ
Nah. Probably minimal mothering. I had to work my tail off.
MATT
So no time for romance?
INEZ
I've dated sporadically. And it's only because I'm more than a little tipsy that I will confess that I had a thing for about five years with a married guy. Poetically just I guess is that I dumped him the week after his wife did. He got remarried to some young thing. Now he's 68 years old and has five year old twins and she's pregnant again.
MATT
And it's only because I'm a little tipsy that I will confess to you that about six weeks before Betty was murdered I found out that she'd been sleeping with the dean of her department. I've never told anybody that.
INEZ
I guess I'm honored. And so sorry. Look! It's almost midnight!
BOTH TAKE ANOTHER SIP OF CHAMPAGNE AND FALL INTO A PASSIONATE KISS. SFX--GUNS FIRE-
MATT
Midnight gunshots! Just like back in Indiana. Never had that in Oregon but now I'm used to it. And something else I could get used to...
MATT PULLS INEZ BACK TO HIM AND THEY KISS
CUT TO
INEZ AND MATT LIE IN HER BED. INEZ AWAKENS AND SEES MATT LYING BESIDE HER. SHE RISES QUIETLY. NAKED, SHE PADS INTO THE BATHROOM, GARGLES, BRUSHES HER HAIR AND ADMIRES HER PERKY-FOR-THEIR AGE TITS.
CUT TO
INEZ RETURNS TO BED. MATT PULLS HER TO HIM AND KISSES HER HAIR.
FADE OUT
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