HELEN SITS, AMID SHOPPING BAGS, ON INEZ'S FRONT PORCH SMOKING AND READING THE NEW YORKER. INEZ PULLS INTO THE DRIVEWAY AND HOPS OUT OF THE CAR.
HELEN
I thought you'd be here so I didn't bring my key.
INEZ
There was a big accident on the five and everyone was late for pilates.
HELEN (Holding out two stacks of mail)
I sorted your mail. This is the recycling stuff and these are the keepers.
INEZ
I like the Sundance Catalog.
HELEN
Too expensive.
INEZ UNLOCKS THE DOOR AND THEY ENTER.
INEZ (handing Helen the remote)
I gotta take a quick shower. Just sit there quietly. Don't clean anything or snoop around.
CUT TO
HELEN REMOVES ITEMS FROM THE REFRIGERATOR AND THROWS THEM INTO A LARGE TRASH BAG.
CUT TO
HELEN EMPTIES CAT LITTER.
CUT TO
HELEN RINSES DISHES AND LOADS THEM INTO THE DISHWASHER.
CUT TO
HELEN EMPTIES A LARGE TRASH BAG INTO THE TRASH CAN.
CUT TO
HELEN MOVES A LARGE CAT OFF OF THE KITCHEN COUNTER AND IT JUMPS RIGHT BACK ON.
CUT TO
HELEN DROPS A STACK OF CATALOGS AND JUNK MAIL (INCLUDING SUNDANCE CATALOG) INTO RECYCLING BIN.
CUT TO
HELEN AND INEZ ARE IN THE KITCHEN UNLOADING FOOD CONTAINERS FROM HELEN'S SHOPPING BAGS.
HELEN
OK, this is mashed potatoes. Just add a little cream and some melted butter to freshen 'em up a bit.
INEZ
Like they don't have a pound of butter in them already. I ain't adding any.
HELEN
I made that pumpkin flan that Nate likes. Just put it in an inch of warm water before you serve it and it should pop right out of the pan.
INEZ
You said you were just bringing over a few things. Your leftovers. I can't believe you made more stuff. You know it's just the two of us.
HELEN
So you'll have some leftovers now. And I botched our own pumpkin flan so I wanted to make sure that I hadn't lost my touch. This one is perfect. I dry rubbed the turkey breast. Here's my thermometer. Make sure I get it back and don't put it in the dishwasher. It should take about an hour at 325 but check it every fifteen minutes or so. Take it out when the thermometer hits 160. Don't forget or it will be like leather. Tent it with foil to keep it warm until you're ready to carve it. Do you have a sharp knife?
INEZ
I know you find it hard to believe but I am an actualized adult and have an equipped kitchen.
HELEN LOOKS UP AND DOWN AT INEZ'S CLUTTERED KITCHEN.
INEZ
Shut up bitch.
HELEN
I said nothing. Not one word.
INEZ
I still smell judge-y coming through your pores.
HELEN
Are you picking up Nate at LAX?
INEZ
No, they got a car service for him. He'll be here in a couple of hours.
HELEN
Did you put clean sheets on the bed?
INEZ
Of course I did. Jesus. You think I'm such a loser.
CUT TO
INEZ CHANGING SHEETS ON A BED.
CUT TO
NATE LIES ON THE COUCH WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME ON TV. HELEN IS CHECKING ON THE TURKEY. A CAT JUMPS ON THE ARM OF THE SOFA, SEES NATE AND RUNS AWAY.
NATE
That's another cat!
INEZ
Marge. She's a feral rescue. Still a little shy.
NATE
So it's five cats?
INEZ
They changed the city law. You can have five cats now.
NATE
Legal cats and weed. Your life must be complete.
CUT TO
INEZ AND NATE SIT AT A TABLE LADEN WITH FAR TOO MUCH FOOD.
NATE
Oh my God this is good. It's been months since I had real food. I was even looking forward to dinner at Grandma's.
INEZ
You must have been real hard up if you count Grandma's as real food.
NATE
Yup, hard up for frozen turkey and a side of Potato Buds and racism.
INEZ
I remember once we were on the road in bum fuck no place for Thanksgiving and we ate Fruit Loops and Little Debbie cakes from a gas station. And then we got snowed in and missed three gigs and Grandma had to wire me gas money. So humiliating. Your dad was such a great sport in those days. I think I would have opened a vein without him.
NATE
You know, I don't remember ever having a Thanksgiving with Dad.
INEZ
Yeah, I guess you wouldn't. You were four when he left.
NATE
When you kicked him out.
INEZ
Please Nate.
NATE
When you kicked him out because he was on a hopeless downward spiral and would have fucked up both up.
INEZ
Thanks Babe. I have a confession to make. When you asked me to go find those bank statements for the mortgage I saw the checks you've been sending to the old man. I just want you to know that I understand. I'm not angry about it.
NATE
I didn't ask for your approval and I don't need it.
INEZ
Geesh Nate. That's pretty harsh.
NATE
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. It's my own approval of it that's shaky. Like I'm enabling him. But if he loses that rent-controlled shit hole he's really fucked. I cover the rent and beer money. I figure that at this point rehab just isn't going to take. I've had my hopes up about him so many times.
INEZ
Yeah kid. It's better to accept reality. I've tried to steer some session work his way a couple of times but he blew it and made me look like an asshole so I don't even bother any more.
NATE
I think he's pawned all his guitars and gear.
INEZ
Jesus. Shit. He was so good and so beautiful. And now you're even better and more beautiful and unlike your 'rents, a teetotaler. I've been a mess since the election.
NATE
Yeah, I saw a cigarette butt in the ivy.
INEZ
That was Helen.
NATE
Sure Mom.
INEZ
No, really. Mine are in the hydrangea pot. You know, you never told me about the time you spent with Emma.
NATE
Totally cool. I had two days between gigs in Brooklyn and Albany so I drove with her and Brandon to the Berkshires.
INEZ
Helen hates Brandon.
NATE
Of course, he's not obsequious.
INEZ
Wow, no college but a grad school vocabulary. But do you think that's all it is? Helen describes him as a total cold fish. Plus she adored George.
NATE
I liked George too but he was so malleable and good-natured. And Emmy needs a little more friction. Plus, Brandon is real fucking smart. Real smart. I was in the backseat on the way to the Berkshires and sort of dozing in and out of their conversation. There's this whole myth about Emmy being a difficult fuck up but she is insanely smart. Scary smart.
INEZ
I know she's a bright girl. But she really put Helen and Ian through hell. I know they went through all of their college savings on her inpatient stuff. I guess she's better now but...
NATE
The abortions? The first one, in high school was when she was fucked up out of her mind.
INEZ
Been there. Done that.
NATE
Thanks for sharing. The second one was a torn rubber. She's got some long term implant thing now so it won't happen again.
INEZ
Nice that she's got a gay friend to confide in.
NATE
She's always been like a little sister. I was listening to her and Brandon go on in the car and it reminded me of when I was real little and driving up to Mammoth with Helen and Ian. They'd talk for hours. I didn't understand any of it but there was this rhythm to the way they riffed off each other.
INEZ
I know what you mean. They're such opposites. Ian lives in a world of ideas and Helen thrives on people and sensory stuff. The thing is that they're both insatiably curious and they have this weird balance.
NATE
I get the same sort of feel with Emmy and Brandon but maybe Emmy needs someone in-between George and Brandon. Warm and fuzzy and smart.
INEZ
Don't we all. Are you done?
NATE
Totally stuffed. Helen really is amazing.
INEZ
Yup. Our amazing control freak. She made you a flan for dessert. Maybe you should call and thank her while I put this stuff away?
CUT TO NATE ON THE PHONE FACE-TIMING WITH HELEN
HELEN (THROUGH PHONE)
What's that on your face Nate? Is that a beard?
NATE
Yeah. I'm going for that Michael Stipe look.
HELEN
What does your mother say about it?
NATE
All she said was "I see that you've stopped shaving." She's more diplomatic than you are Helen.
HELEN (HOLDING THE PHONE TO THE DOGS FACE)
You've got to say "hi" to Fido.
NATE
Hi Fido.
THROUGH NATE'S PHONE WE SEE FIDO REARING UP AND RUNNING AWAY.
HELEN
She doesn't like the beard either. I saw your house on Zillow. Congratulations. Very cool.
NATE
Thanks. Am sure you and Mamacita will help with decoration.
HELEN
Yeah. You gotta redo that bathroom. I know these Israelis on Melrose that sell the most beautiful glass tile. Oh, and there's this guy in Highland Park that his vintage appliances. Gorgeous. Way cheaper than Antique Stove Heaven. Let me know when you're ready.
NATE
Will do. Thanks Helen.
HELEN
So are you dating someone?
NATE
Nope. Still playing the field.
HELEN
And you're practicing safe sex?
NATE
Why no Helen. Let's go out for coffee and you can explain that all to me.
HELEN
Well, you know, if you let down your guard just once...well you never know. Did your mother overcook the turkey?
NATE
The turkey, and everything else was perfect. We're going to have the flan now. The finest meal I can remember in ages. You're the best.
HELEN
Tell your mother not to put my meat thermometer in the dishwasher.
CUT TO
INEZ AND NATE FINISH PUTTING THE LEFTOVERS AWAY. INEZ GIVES THE SQUAWKING CATS LITTLE PIECES OF TURKEY.
NATE
Would you be offended if I went out for a while? Guy I met in D.C. is in town for tonight only.
INEZ
No. Of course not. Go...but...
NATE
Don't worry Mom. Helen just explained to me about safe sex.
CUT TO
INEZ POURS HERSELF A SHOT OF BOURBON.
CUT TO
INEZ SLEEPS ON THE COUCH SURROUNDED BY STRETCHED OUT CATS. THE OPEN NEW YORKER IS ON HER CHEST.
INEZ
Helen hates Brandon.
NATE
Of course, he's not obsequious.
INEZ
Wow, no college but a grad school vocabulary. But do you think that's all it is? Helen describes him as a total cold fish. Plus she adored George.
NATE
I liked George too but he was so malleable and good-natured. And Emmy needs a little more friction. Plus, Brandon is real fucking smart. Real smart. I was in the backseat on the way to the Berkshires and sort of dozing in and out of their conversation. There's this whole myth about Emmy being a difficult fuck up but she is insanely smart. Scary smart.
INEZ
I know she's a bright girl. But she really put Helen and Ian through hell. I know they went through all of their college savings on her inpatient stuff. I guess she's better now but...
NATE
The abortions? The first one, in high school was when she was fucked up out of her mind.
INEZ
Been there. Done that.
NATE
Thanks for sharing. The second one was a torn rubber. She's got some long term implant thing now so it won't happen again.
INEZ
Nice that she's got a gay friend to confide in.
NATE
She's always been like a little sister. I was listening to her and Brandon go on in the car and it reminded me of when I was real little and driving up to Mammoth with Helen and Ian. They'd talk for hours. I didn't understand any of it but there was this rhythm to the way they riffed off each other.
INEZ
I know what you mean. They're such opposites. Ian lives in a world of ideas and Helen thrives on people and sensory stuff. The thing is that they're both insatiably curious and they have this weird balance.
NATE
I get the same sort of feel with Emmy and Brandon but maybe Emmy needs someone in-between George and Brandon. Warm and fuzzy and smart.
INEZ
Don't we all. Are you done?
NATE
Totally stuffed. Helen really is amazing.
INEZ
Yup. Our amazing control freak. She made you a flan for dessert. Maybe you should call and thank her while I put this stuff away?
CUT TO NATE ON THE PHONE FACE-TIMING WITH HELEN
HELEN (THROUGH PHONE)
What's that on your face Nate? Is that a beard?
NATE
Yeah. I'm going for that Michael Stipe look.
HELEN
What does your mother say about it?
NATE
All she said was "I see that you've stopped shaving." She's more diplomatic than you are Helen.
HELEN (HOLDING THE PHONE TO THE DOGS FACE)
You've got to say "hi" to Fido.
NATE
Hi Fido.
THROUGH NATE'S PHONE WE SEE FIDO REARING UP AND RUNNING AWAY.
HELEN
She doesn't like the beard either. I saw your house on Zillow. Congratulations. Very cool.
NATE
Thanks. Am sure you and Mamacita will help with decoration.
HELEN
Yeah. You gotta redo that bathroom. I know these Israelis on Melrose that sell the most beautiful glass tile. Oh, and there's this guy in Highland Park that his vintage appliances. Gorgeous. Way cheaper than Antique Stove Heaven. Let me know when you're ready.
NATE
Will do. Thanks Helen.
HELEN
So are you dating someone?
NATE
Nope. Still playing the field.
HELEN
And you're practicing safe sex?
NATE
Why no Helen. Let's go out for coffee and you can explain that all to me.
HELEN
Well, you know, if you let down your guard just once...well you never know. Did your mother overcook the turkey?
NATE
The turkey, and everything else was perfect. We're going to have the flan now. The finest meal I can remember in ages. You're the best.
HELEN
Tell your mother not to put my meat thermometer in the dishwasher.
CUT TO
INEZ AND NATE FINISH PUTTING THE LEFTOVERS AWAY. INEZ GIVES THE SQUAWKING CATS LITTLE PIECES OF TURKEY.
NATE
Would you be offended if I went out for a while? Guy I met in D.C. is in town for tonight only.
INEZ
No. Of course not. Go...but...
NATE
Don't worry Mom. Helen just explained to me about safe sex.
CUT TO
INEZ POURS HERSELF A SHOT OF BOURBON.
CUT TO
INEZ SLEEPS ON THE COUCH SURROUNDED BY STRETCHED OUT CATS. THE OPEN NEW YORKER IS ON HER CHEST.
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