sixtynothing Episode 11 Kingfish

FADE INTO IAN BEHIND THE WHEEL OF THE CAR AND HELEN IN THE PASSENGER SEAT, ENTERING A PARKING STRUCTURE AT LAX.

IAN 

It's going to cost five bucks to park.  We should just wait in the cellphone lot and Em can text us after she grabs her bag.

HELEN

We are not UBER.  We are parents. Parents meet children at the gate.  No daughter of mine is going to wait on the...(she coughs) curb.

IAN PULLS INTO THE PARK STRUCTURE AND TAKES THE TICKET.

IAN

I haven't said a word about your smoking but I notice now that you're coughing and while I know that you're going to do whatever you want to do, I am officially registering concern.

HELEN

I'm down to only a couple of cigs a day and a little vaping.  This is just allergy.  I can tell.  I'll take a hit of Flonase back at the house and it'll be fine.  

CUT TO

IAN EXITS THE PARKING STRUCTURE.  EMMA IS IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE CAR. IAN HANDS THE TICKET TO THE ATTENDANT AND THE SIGN FLASHES "PAY $12.00."  IAN GLARES AT HELEN WHO IS ATTEMPTING TO STIFLE A COUGH.

EMMA

You ok Momser?

HELEN

Allergy.  You hungry Ems?  There's supposed to be an amazing ceviche stand in Inglewood.

EMMA

Yums.  But Daddy won't eat raw fish.

HELEN

I already fed Daddy.

IAN

You already fed yourself too Helen and we have a refrigerator full of food at home.  We'll be there in less than half an hour.

EMMA (whining faux childishly)

But Daddy, I haven't had ceviche in forever.  And I'm so hangry.  Please Daddy!  Emmy wants me some ceviche.  Please!

CUT TO-- HELEN'S CLOSED BATHROOM DOOR.  SFX --COUGHING AND BARFING.  HELEN EXITS, ASHEN AND HOLDING ONTO THE DOOR FRAME.

CUT TO--EMMA'S BATHROOM DOOR.  SFX-BARFING.  EMMA EXITS THE BATHROOM ASHEN AND HOLDING ON TO THE DOOR FRAME.

CUT TO--IAN REMOVING IMODIUM, PEPTO BISMAL, 7UP AND GATORADE FROM A BASKET TO PAY A CASHIER AT THE RITE AID.

CUT TO--IAN READS THE PAPER AT THE KITCHEN TABLE.  HELEN ENTERS, WAN AND COUGHING.

HELEN

I'm feeling much better.  I checked on Em.  She's fast asleep.  I'm sure if we both just get a little rest we'll be fine...

HELEN STARTS TO WEAVE AND STUMBLES INTO THE BATHROOM.  SFX BARFING AND COUGHING.  HELEN EMERGES, GRIPS THE DOOR FRAME.  IAN HELPS HER INTO A CHAIR.

IAN

That's it.  We're going to urgent care.  Non-negotiable.

HELEN

I'll call Inez.  You stay here with Em.

CUT TO--HELEN IN HOSPITAL BED WITH AN IV.  INEZ SITS IN A CHAIR BESIDE THE BED.

INEZ

God, you look like shit.

HELEN

Eater L.A. raved about that ceviche place. I feel so bad that Em is sick on her first day home.

INEZ

I talked to Ian.  She's awake now.  He says she's not puking anymore.  Did you get any diagnosis yet?

HELEN

They did a bunch of tests. All the doctors are prepubescent.  Waiting to hear. I'm sure it's just a little dysentery and a little allergy.  

INEZ LOOKS AT HELEN'S UNTOUCHED LUNCH TRAY.

INEZ

Whatever it is can't be too bad I guess if they want you to eat.

HELEN

If they wanted me to eat they would have brought me something edible.

INEZ

Ceviche?

HELEN

Hardee-har-har.

INEZ LIFTS THE METAL COVER ON THE ENTREE AND GRIMACES.

CUT TO--IAN, EMMA AND FIDO ARE SPRAWLED IN BED WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT HUEY LONG.

EMMA

Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it.

IAN

You want more 7Up?

EMMA

I'm good, thanks.  

IAN

Funny, Mom never gets sick.  I've watched her eat shocking food on five continents.

EMMA

There's no place like home. 

TV Playback--Huey Long stands at radio microphone.  Announcer-"and Huey Long was one of the first politicians to recognize the effectiveness of the relatively new medium of radio."  Huey Long speaking---Ladies and gentlemen, it has been publicly announced that the White House orders of the Roosevelt administration have declared war on HUEY LONG...

EMMA

I just finished reading this great essay about Totalitarian and Authoritarian regimes.

IAN

Juan Linz?

EMMA

Yeah.  So fucking scary.  He says that the litmus test for anti-democratic leaders is not rejecting violence, trying to curtail his rivals' civil liberties and questioning the legitimacy of democratically elected governments. We are so fucked.

IAN

You'd like Eric Voegelin.  I have a good translation somewhere.  One of his premises is that totalitarian movements are spawned by a flawed interpretation of Christianity.  It may be in the garage.  I'll pull it out before you leave.  It gets pretty heavy with Platonic Gnosticism but I think you can muddle through it.  

EMMA

Brandon thinks that social equity is only going to come from some sort of big boom revolution.  Maybe not fighting in the streets but some sort of big Internet hack.

IAN

Like Mr. Robot?

EMMA

Yeah, I guess, but without that creepy guy. Brandon thinks that Trump may be the catalyst to bring us to the brink and maybe over the edge.  I didn't tell Mom because I wasn't in the mood for her, not so subtle indifference, but Brandon just got into grad school at U. Chicago.

IAN

Poly sci?

EMMA

Philosophy.  

IAN

Your mom will be impressed.

EMMA

Oh, I know. She'll just never get over fawning George.  Brandon will just never be as enchanted with her.  

IAN

Yeah, Mom does like feeling special.  But you know she wants the best for you.  Can I give you one tiny bit of advice?

EMMA

Sure.

IAN

Next time he sees Mommy, tell Brandon to ditch the pearl earrings.

CUT TO

HELEN IS IN HER HOSPITAL BED.  TWO SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILDREN IN LAB COATS ENTER THE ROOM.

DR. ORTEGA

Hi, Helen, I'm Dr. Ortega, your attending physician and this is my colleague, Dr. Nguyen, a pulmonologist. We've looked at your labs.  The GI business is just a bit of food poisoning. We're going to keep hydrating you and start you back on a bland diet.

DR. NGUYEN

Nothing scary with the chest x-ray.  You can join the Hillary club.  It's walking pneumonia.  We're going to give you a few breathing treatments and some IV antibiotics and you should be fine to go home tomorrow.  You'll just have to take it easy for a few days.  No one in your household smokes tobacco of course?

HELEN

Of course. 

DR. NGUYEN NOTICES AN UNEATEN COOKIE ON HELEN'S TRAY.

DR. NGUYEN (TO HELEN)

Are you going to eat that?

HELEN

Help yourself.

DR. ORTEGA GRABS FOR THE COOKIE.

DR. NGUYEN (SCREAMING)

She said I could have it!

DR. ORTEGA

I'm attending.  You're just lungs!

THE TWO DOCTORS BEGIN TO TUSSLE.  PUSHING, SHOVING AND SLAPPING.

HELEN

Use your words!  Use your words!

DR. NGUYEN

I saw it first!

HELEN

Okay, here's what we're going to do. Dr. Nguyen is going to cut the cookie in half and then Dr. Ortega is going to choose the half she wants.

CUT TO-

DRS. ORTEGA AND NGUYEN WALKING DOWN HOSPITAL CORRIDOR, EATING COOKIES.  DR. ORTEGA WALKS BEHIND DR. NGUYEN AND STEPS ON THE HEEL OF HIS SHOE.  DR. NGUYEN'S SHOE COMES OFF AND DR. ORTEGA TAKES OFF RUNNING DOWN THE HALL.

FADE OUT