Sobbing with Cindy

I face the blank page finally, after a crappy week that I don't much want to think, let alone, write about. I never thought about being in my 60s and a confluence of circumstances leave me full of regret for bad decisions, inaction and far too much magical thinking.

Renee Fleming sings “Danny Boy” at the funeral of John McCain. I weep, as I've wept on and off since the beginning of the service. It is however, after a week on camera, the first time that I've seen Cindy McCain shed a tear. How vulnerable a song can make us. John McCain exemplifies a hawkishness that has long been anathema, yet I cry for him his family and our country. And even his squirrelly little friend Lindsey Graham.

I have no faith in the integrity of Jeff Sessions but I oppose his firing. My historical suspicion of American intelligence agencies and law enforcement has morphed into respect and is eclipsed by a fervent hope that certain of their works will continue unimpeded. Coming of age in the 70s we ridiculed the Red Scare and kept copies of The Little Red Book. We admired philosophically the ethos of shared wealth, and turned a blind eye to the actual failure of China and the USSR to bring this effectively to fruition.

Those who burned draft cards or fled to Canada were our heroes and those who waged war in Vietnam were demonized. Now I chastise President Bonespur, who doesn't even remember which foot that he was disabled by. I abhor Russian leadership and am very skeptical about China's place in the planet's future. And I weep to the point of dehydration at the funeral of John McCain.

Obama was a flawed leader, as has been every president in my lifetime, but hearing him speak reminds me that despite errors and miscalculations, I always felt trust in him and was so very proud of the dignity with which he lead our country. How ironic, that the funeral of John McCain, a man with whom I'd so fervently disagreed, may be a catalyst for returning our nation to civility and bi-partisan patriotism. My hope that righteousness will prevail is renewed.

The path to return to integrity and compassion will be a long one. I wonder if the ceremony for John McCain will be more of an impetus for our nation getting back on track than all of the indictments and plea deals that I find so satisfying.

And here, on my home-front, I realize that my lack of planning for what don't portend to be “golden years.” will also pose a struggle. The new principal at my school has covered the faculty women's bathroom with affirmation stickers. I send a male colleague on an exploratory mission and learn that the faculty men's room has not been similarly befouled. A sticker with a saying does not inspire. It will not change my life or make me better. A quote, erroneously attributed to Albert Einstein however does resonate. “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” It is time for me personally to do a number of things very differently. And I hope our nation too, follows suit. Hope is hollow without courage and action. As a dear friend concludes his correspondence, “Onward.”