Early Summer Haiku

Little aches and pains

when searched on the Internet

will prove terminal.

A little action

but my kid swims for Stanford

and boys will be boys.

Steal a candy bar

elsewhere in America

kiss your life goodbye.

Radical Jihad!

Ban all Muslims, forgetting,

Christian Dylann Roof.

Primaries kaput.

13 million vote Bernie.

Same number for Trump.

Pressed coffee and juice.

Is it worth twelve bucks to have

your drinks wrinkle free?

New in Silver Lake

First Whole Foods 365

Dystopic shopping.

And just what we need

one more twee and overpriced

vegan restaurant.

Spell checking haiku

It's “dystopian.”

Extra syllable.

Vegan survival

depends very much it seems

on gallons of beer.

Repulsed yet relieved

when sneaky dog helps herself

to cat box morsels.

Half Irish, half Jew

like my kids, but still can't help

but loathe Ben Stiller.

Fingers crossed here that

Stairway to Heaven trial means

hearing it never.

Finally at least

no more moments of silence

but filibusters.

The NRA buys

a ton of legislators.

Can't we outbid them?

Like Walter Cronkite,

we trust Anderson Cooper

who is much cuter.

Fanaticism

is not about God's comfort.

It's mental illness.